The Harbinger Page 16

Ellie furrowed her eyebrows to show she didn’t understand.

  “I think grief, when it’s our own, makes a hole in our heart that never really gets filled in. I think the head deals with other people’s grief, not the heart, although the physical signs may appear the same. Spending time trying to appreciate what people are going through and easing their burden in some way seems to be how it works. It doesn’t matter how much empathy you have for someone, the grief is not yours—it isn’t personal. Problems begin when you take the grief as your own. Does that make sense?”

  “Perfectly. I’d never thought of it that way, but it’s true. You have such a way of explaining things.”

  Holly laughed. “It comes from all the books I read when I’m alone. A little like you and your cooking programmes. I obviously digest things without knowing.”

  Ellie shook her head. “I think you are underestimating yourself… by a long way.”

  Whether it was the effect of the film, Ellie didn’t know, but she had the sudden urge to hold Holly close and kiss her. A long, lingering kiss that would last a lifetime.

  She fought off the urge—desperately.

  18

  They set off early the next morning, both refreshed after a decent night’s sleep, Ellie driving the forty minutes it took to get to the nearest shopping mall. As she looked at the façade, she shook her head. The buildings served a purpose for virtually all shopping needs and much more besides, but they were soulless. They all looked the same with their expanses of glass to make the place look light and airy, and all perched on red brick. Yet they still had to use harsh artificial lighting as the wide aisles narrowed into much smaller walkways. However, the two of them were here for shopping and entertainment, not to cast a critical eye over the building. Because she was with Holly, Ellie felt upbeat and determined to enjoy herself.

  “Come on,” she said to Holly as she put her car keys into her handbag. “We need the Food Court. I’m starving!”

  “If we keep this up, we’re going to burst before midnight.” Ellie laughed. She could tell the words had fallen on deaf ears as Holly scoured signs and pointed out the way.

  They made their way into the top level of a chain store, the side of which opened onto the upper floor of the food area. They were renowned for their cooked breakfasts, and that’s what both women opted for… the full English, with toast. They grabbed some small pots of marmalade as they waited for their coffees to be passed across the counter.

  They chose to sit at a table by the entrance, which gave them a great view of all the other food shops and the plentiful amount of people milling around. Even this early, an aroma of curried spices, roasted chicken, and cooking hamburgers filled the air. It should have been a nauseous mix, but all it served to do was make Ellie’s stomach growl louder.

  Holly missed her mouth and dribbled egg yolk down her chin.

  “Oh, for goodness’ sake!” Holly said, chiding herself. “You would think with a mouth as big as mine, the food wouldn’t go anywhere else.” She wiped off the spill with a thin serviette. Even so, she’d missed a spot by the side of her mouth. Ellie reached across the table and wiped it away with her own serviette, as she would have done with Alex.

  “Oh, heck! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She dropped her eyes to look at the table, feeling acutely embarrassed. She imagined all the people around her watching the highly personal act and felt as though she had elevated herself and introduced a level of intimacy that didn’t exist.

  Holly flapped the napkin at her. “Don’t be silly. Trust me, I would rather you got rid of it than for me to walk around all day with people focusing on a bit of crusty egg.”

  Ellie was just in the process of generating a hearty laugh when she felt a hand on her shoulder. The shock of the touch in such surroundings made her lift from her seat. She turned just as her mum was sneaking a peek at her. She jumped again.

  “Mum,” she said, with an annoyed edge to her voice. “You scared me half to death. I didn’t know you were coming here today. What’s the reason for your visit? A special occasion I don’t know about?”

  Her mother made her way around the table and took a spare seat between her and Holly, dropping a carrier bag on the floor beside her. She glanced past Holly with no acknowledgement, focusing her gaze on the glass lift rising slowly from the floor below.

  “I’m just waiting for your dad to appear. He chose the lift because his knees are playing up. I wouldn’t go in that thing if you paid me.” Finally, her gaze alighted on Holly. “Oh, hello, Holly. Nice to see you again.” There was no warmth in her voice, but she wasn’t hostile either. Bland neutrality emanated from her. She shifted her gaze back to Ellie. “To answer your question, I’ve come seeking new linens. My tablecloths are looking a little jaded. I haven’t found what I want yet, but I did come across some towels that were a bargain and will be a perfect match in the bathroom, so I bought them.” She pointed to the bag on the floor.

  Holly and Ellie finished their breakfast while Dee Hanray still scanned the lift exit, so little conversation ensued. The place was now beginning to bustle, mainly it seemed, with young women with pushchairs and the view to the exit from the lift was now restricted. As Ellie took a large draught of the excellent filter coffee, a baritone voice reached her ears.

  “Good morning, ladies,” said Daniel Hanray as he approached. “What a very pleasant surprise for a Sunday morning. How are you, sweetheart?” he asked as he bent down to give Ellie a peck on the cheek.

  “I’m doing okay. Thanks, Dad. Been very busy trying to organise the new job. Anyway, let’s not talk about work.” He took the remaining seat and rubbed his knees vigorously. “Dad, I’d like you to meet Holly Simons,” she said nodding towards Holly with a smile. “Holly, meet my dad, Daniel.”

  Holly gave him one of her stunning smiles as she offered her hand. “”Pleased to meet you, Daniel. I’ve heard a lot about you,” she said to be polite, but in fact, she’d heard very little.

  Danial shook her hand firmly. “My daughter spreading malicious gossip, no doubt. I deny everything.” He laughed to himself. “What are you having for breakfast, Dee? I’m having sausage, egg, and beans,” he said proudly. “I better join the queue before the hoards start heading in.”

  Dee looked down at the empty plates on the table, obviously swaying towards a cooked breakfast. “Just some toast and a coffee,” she said in a quest for martyrdom. “Don’t forget we’ll be having the Sunday roast later.”

  “How could I forget,” he said wearily, giving his knees another quick rub before setting off to stand in the ever-growing queue.

  Ellie and Holly finished their coffees together as Daniel reached the head of the queue.

  “We’ll wait for Dad to come back, and then set off to do our shopping. We plan on staying all day,” said Ellie cheerfully.

  Holly nodded her head in agreement. “Should be a fun day.”

  “I’m just pleased to see you out and about,” said Dee as she studied her daughter closely. “I gather your daughter isn’t with you today, Holly. Doesn’t she like shopping?” enquired Dee

  Holly laughed. “My daughter was born to shop,” she replied, “but she’s with her dad this weekend, so it’s his turn to play the villain.” Dee Hanray lifted her perfectly shaped eyebrows above widely opened eyes. The ideal doll’s face.

  Holly waved her hand. “I think I should rephrase that. It’s Phil’s turn to say no for a change.” She let out a small sigh.

  Ellie wanted to point out her mother was on a fact-finding mission, trying to glean as much information as possible about Holly’s life. She didn’t often ask direct questions. It wasn’t her style. She didn’t want to appear what she actually was… nosey.

  Daniel approached the table bearing a large tray, laden with breakfast items. Ellie and Dee stood up and cleared their detritus to one side to give Ellie’s dad room.

  “Oh, are you going, sweetheart? I thought we might have a little catch-up. We haven’t had a decen
t chinwag for ages.”

  Ellie felt a pang of guilt. What he said was true. She and her mother had their Thursday’s, but her dad was often at the allotment or working in the garden on the odd occasion she called at their house.

  “Yes, sorry, Dad, we have our day planned. I wouldn’t turn down an invitation to dinner on Tuesday, though,” she said with a smile.

  “Done!” he said, giving her a peck on the cheek. “I’ll even make my own version of Shepherd’s Pie. How will that do you?”

  Ellie nodded while Dee Hanray rolled her eyes.

  “Wow,” said Holly. “I’m impressed.” She gave the thumbs-up sign.

  “Why don’t you join us, Holly? We’d love to have your company.”

  Holly could feel his dark blue eyes boring into her as if to send a telepathic message. She felt awful shaking her head.

  “I’m sorry. I have my daughter to look after when she finishes school. Thanks for the invitation though, Daniel. It’s very kind of you.” That’s the impression Holly got from him. Daniel was a kind man.

  He looked a little deflated. “Doesn’t your daughter like Shepherd’s Pie? If she does, then the invitation still stands.”

  Holly’s eyes smiled. “In that case… we’d love to.”

  Holly looked from Ellie to her mother. Ellie’s mouth had a small upward turn at the corners. Dee’s mouth ran straight across, accessing none of her emotions.

  “Okay then. We’ll leave you to your breakfast. See you on Tuesday about six?” asked Ellie, as six was their usual eating time.

  Her father nodded, and Ellie blew her mum a kiss and waggled her fingers in a goodbye. As they walked away, Ellie heard her mum say she’d changed her mind about having something cooked. Just typical! Poor Dad.

  The film they’d opted for was Insidious: The Last Key. Supernatural horrors wouldn’t have been Ellie’s first choice of genre, but she’d seen the latest Star Wars recently on a rare visit alone and the other choices of fantasy, true story, and comedy didn’t pique either of their interests. Holly was intrigued by the reviews she’d read of the Insidious film, so she persuaded Ellie to watch too.

  “It’s a bit of a Marmite film according to reviews… you either love it or hate it. If we don’t like it, we can always leave. Nothing is—”

  “Yes… written in stone.” Ellie smiled broadly, knowing it to be true. Perhaps she should be more spontaneous in her actions sometimes.

  When she reached into her purse to pay their entrance fee, Holly grabbed her arm. “My turn to pay,” she said, her face impassive. “You paid for breakfast.”

  “And I said today was my treat, and I meant it. Take it as sharing my good fortune, what with the new project and everything.” Ellie tried a persuasive smile. She didn’t need Holly throwing the toys from the pram and spoiling the good mood.

  Holly stood stock-still, her feet planted firmly. As she tilted her head to one side, she said, “Only if you let me buy the popcorn.”

  Ellie narrowed her eyes and nodded her head. “Go on then. Never let it be said I can’t compromise.”

  Both women were laughing as they entered, Holly hooking up and linking arms. They both felt like teenagers. Holly wondered if Ellie would choose to sit in the back row.

  They exited the cinema unmoved and uninspired. Ellie rolled her eyes as she looked at Holly. “Why do ‘demons’,” she said indicating what she meant by using virtual inverted commas, “always have to be featured in these kinds of films? Why can’t they just be the spirits of dead grumpy people? I don’t get it,” she said with a shake of her head.

  Holly laughed as they continued their way to the coffee shop. “Because, to the gullible, the word conjures up all kinds of horrors. Grumpy dead people wouldn’t hack it, I don’t think.” Holly’s face held an amused grin.

  Ellie continued to shake her head. “Oh, well, not to worry. It was crap anyway.”

  Holly laughed again. “Just say it like it is, Ellie. It saved me from saying it. Come on, I need a large coffee. All the popcorn has made my mouth feel like the bottom of a budgie cage.”

  As they sat drinking large lattes, they discussed the rest of the afternoon.

  “I really do need to do some shopping,” said Ellie, depressed by the thought. Of all the things she hated most in life, shopping for clothes was at the top of the list. “I need some clothes for work. When I was sorting some out to take with me, I was met by paint stains and holes of various sizes.” Her face looked glum.

  “Oh, come on, cheer up. It’s not the end of the world. It’s only a few clothes. Not a complete overhaul.”

  Ellie gathered her lips together and hid them inside her mouth, wondering whether to mention what was really on her mind. In the end, she blurted it out. “I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing. Accepting the project, I mean.” Inside her stomach rolled. She felt as though she were on a boat, tossed about on a rough sea… What’s to say she wasn’t?

  Holly was wide-eyed. “Where on earth has that come from?” she asked as she slurped her hot coffee loudly. “You were so excited, so sure. What’s changed?”

  “A couple of disturbed nights, my mind wandering hither and thither. I haven’t worked away from home in a long time. Then I didn’t feel the need for a support system. I was younger, childless, and completely carefree. Although I’m childless again,” she said with stuttered emotion, “I’m not young and definitely not carefree. Before, I was building for a future for when I had a child to support, so I was willing to do things I’m not sure I can do anymore.” Her eyes dropped to the table, her hands busy picking at the edging of the surface. She felt Holly’s hand as it closed over hers and gave a slight squeeze.

  “I don’t think you’ll have time to feel lonely. I think you’ll be so involved in the work, at the end of the day, you’ll just fall into bed, completely knackered.”

  Ellie looked unconvinced. “I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I follow task lists and plans. The rest is supervisory work mainly. I can do some painting and other menial tasks, but it’s mainly the lads doing most of the hard work. I just can’t see myself alone at the B&B every night completely exhausted. I’m going to miss my home, my family and of course, you and Leah.”

  Holly contemplated for a little while before speaking. “You need a treat to look forward to. Something special to keep you focused during the day. At quieter times, consider the treat. Nothing better than making plans for something special.”

  Ellie’s eyes sparked with inspiration as she engaged Holly’s attention. “You remember the first day I made breakfast for, Leah?” Holly nodded. “Before she got absorbed into the cookery programme, she came across an advertisement for Disney Land, Paris. Her eyes were out on stalks. I gather she’s never been.”

  Holly shook her head. “No, she hasn’t. I couldn’t afford it, and her dad never takes time off work to take her anywhere. Oh, he has holidays all right—abroad, I mean, but he never invites Leah. We make do with Devon or Cornwall normally.” Her big green eyes looked sad at the thought of letting down her daughter, the bottom lids pooling.

  Ellie took two big gulps of coffee and ran her hands through her hair, pushing it behind her shoulders before making her thoughts known. “Do you think Phil would object if we took Leah to Disney Land? I know it’s supposed to be a kid’s thing, but every adult I’ve spoken to about it said it was enjoyable for everyone. What do you think? I could look forward to that.” Ellie felt her hand tighten around the glass mug as she awaited Holly’s answer.

  Holly looked deep into Ellie’s eyes, searching for something to use as an excuse to refuse the offer, but there was no answer offering itself up. All she saw was kindness and hope in Ellie’s eyes, which is what she expected. “Personally, I think it’s a great idea,” said Holly. “However, we may have a problem with Phil. Not about you or about it being your idea, but about any of the finance coming from you. He’s a proud man, especially as far as his daughter is concerned. We’ll be seeing him tonight when he
drops Leah home, so I’ll have a word with him then. If you could make yourself scarce for a few minutes, it might be best.”

  “I’ll tell you what. Instead of us going out to dinner, how about I buy stuff in, and Leah and I could make it? That will give you and Phil ample time to have a long chat. We’ll set off back now and get home before the supermarket closes.”

  Holly cocked her head while her heart gave a little flutter. “Thank you, Ellie. You’re so kind and considerate. It makes me wonder what I did for friendship until we met. Now, I don’t think I could do without you.” Her face looked as serious as Ellie had ever seen it. Suddenly, she looked panicked. “What about your clothes for work? We haven’t started looking yet.”

  Ellie shook her head. “No, and we’re not going to. I’m not starting for two weeks tomorrow, so I have plenty of time to look in town and see what they have to offer there. I’m not fussy, especially for work. But for goodness’ sake, don’t mention it to my mum!”

  Both women giggled loudly at what they imagined would be Dee Hanray’s expression if she found out her daughter was going to work dressed like a tramp.

  19

  By a quarter to seven, Ellie had all the ingredients for a vegetable curry set out on the countertop, plus all the pans and serving dishes they were going to need. Ellie gave them all one last look before she made her way through to the lounge to join Holly.

  They were both looking through a pile of DVDs when they heard the front door open. Ellie looked at Holly with furrowed brows.

  “It’s okay,” said Holly, questioning Ellie’s look. “Leah has her own key now. Lesson learned on the day of the bullying. She’s responsible enough, thank goodness.” A flash of pride crossed her face.

  Leah rushed into the lounge and threw herself down beside her mum, giving her a big hug. “Hello, sweetheart. Have you had a good time with your dad? Your face looks all flushed. Do you feel okay?”