The Harbinger Read online

  “Oh, no!” exclaimed Ellie. “it’s nothing like that. I’m just helping—”

  “Listen,” said Sue, seriously. “If it’s not like that… it should be. Now, I’m going to leave you in peace. See you later.”

  Before Ellie could say another word, Sue had rung off, leaving Ellie discombobulated. So, Sue was aware of her feelings for Holly, even if she’d misconstrued the level of their involvement. She wondered how many others were aware, leaving her with a tummy that was far from settled.

  24

  Ellie and Holly had left Leah double digging trenches, following instructions carefully explained by Ellie’s dad. Leah was using tools purchased for her mum to use when her dad finally took over the plot after Mr Sturgis had passed away. She was glad they were getting some use. Daniel had complained bitterly about the price he had to pay for them, only to have Dee leaving them idle. Her dad had waited twelve years for his chance with the land. It was the only way to get an allotment—waiting until you got to the top of the waiting list and then someone left or worse still died. He was going to make the best of the chance, even if his wife couldn’t be bothered. Moreover, it was a good excuse not to be in her company all the time. If that had happened, he’d have ended up in a mental asylum.

  To give her dad credit, he hadn’t mentioned the spat she’d had with her mother. Neither did he mention how unusual it was for her to contact him directly. She was surprised his mobile was working, not to mention switched on. Even when she’d passed Leah’s lunch and drinks to him, he’d just hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. Ellie was glad when her mother’s name didn’t cross his lips.

  “So,” she said as Holly closed the passenger door. “What do you fancy doing today? You won’t see you daughter again until the light starts to fade.” Ellie laughed. “I bet you haven’t heard that many times. I’ll put my dad’s mobile and home number in your phone, and then you’ll be able to reach him if need be,” said Ellie, holding out her hand for Holly’s phone.

  “No, I haven’t,” mused Holly. “I hope your dad doesn’t think of himself as a babysitting service. If Leah hadn’t been as keen as she sounded, I wouldn’t have let her pursue it.”

  Ellie passed back the phone and started the engine. “Now who’s worrying unnecessarily? You can see how much he enjoys the company. Moreover, he’s a very patient teacher. If she wants to learn about growing things, my dad’s your man. Now, what would you like to do?”

  Holly grimaced. “Would you mind if I did some grocery shopping? It appears I’ve lost my little helper.” A fake look of sadness showed on Holly’s face. The corners of her mouth were down, but her eyes glistened with mischievousness.

  Ellie reached out and squeezed her arm. “Oh, you poor thing. I better get you to the supermarket ASAP then.”

  Both women were laughing as they made their way to the local supermarket.

  Ellie felt herself shudder as the shriek of noisy children attacked her eardrums as they ran up and down the aisle of the supermarket. She was obviously out of practice being around groups of children. Long gone were the days of hearing them in the park on a windy day, as they rushed about bellowing raucously, following some imaginary game or monster. She wondered idly if other parents had noticed how the wind affected the volume of their children’s voices.

  “Earth to planet Ellie,” said Holly, waiting for Ellie to respond.

  “Oh, sorry,” replied Ellie, wondering how much of the conversation she’d missed. “I was miles away.”

  Holly smiled and tilted her head to one side. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dragged you here. It could have waited until Monday. I just wanted to treat Leah to something special this evening. She’ll have put in a hard day’s work by the time she’s finished. Personally, I haven’t a clue on the meal front. Any ideas?”

  Ellie smiled warmly at her. Holly was speaking from desperation, and Ellie was very pleased to help. “Of course I have, and I’ll even teach you how to make it.”

  “Deal!” she replied, obviously happy with the offer.

  “Okay, we’ll get all the usual suspects that you need first… milk, bread, eggs… you know the drill. Then we’ll start on the special meal. Something lovely and warming, I think.” Taking time to do the normal shopping would give Ellie time to consider the options.

  By the time the trolley was half-full, Ellie had made up her mind. Holly looked at her hoping it wouldn’t be too difficult.

  “Ratatouille,” said Ellie, “with French bread, followed by rice pudding. What do you think?”

  Holly’s eyes were wide. “I’ve heard of ratatouille but never had it. I’ve definitely heard of rice pudding.”

  Ellie laughed raucously. She bent over trying to catch her breath, grabbing at Holly’s arm. It was the seriousness with which Holly said such banal things that started Ellie laughing. She had the expert timing of a comedian too. People passed trying to see the cause of the merriment, but when they could find no explanation, they dropped their eyes and tutted.

  Holly lifted her head proudly and stared at them. “Humour bypass,” she said quite loudly, winking at Ellie. “Now, what do we need for these dishes?”

  Ellie pointed Holly down the aisles and picked up the plethora of ingredients they would need. She watched Holly’s body sway rhythmically as she pushed the trolley down the passageways, shuddering as she experienced those thoughts again. The subtle sweep of the curves intrigued her. She imagined caressing Holly’s body until the madness took over, stroking and probing the intricate crevices, leaving Holly in the throes of a deeply satisfying orgasm. Ellie shook her head and began thinking of kittens, washing, walking, the sea, her son… anything to take away the longing.

  Packing the bags later in the car, Holly let out a long deliberate sigh. “Thank goodness that’s over,” she said. “Now let’s get home and have a reviving cup of coffee.”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” Ellie said, as her hearing returned to normal. “Peace and quiet are what I need at the moment.”

  “Do you think Michael Devlin has plans for you?” asked Holly as they sat at the kitchen table, surrounded by open packets of Penguin bars and caramel wafers. She waited for her answer as Ellie chewed the wafer deliberately.

  “If he has, goodness knows what they are. He knows I’m gay, so he can’t expect sexual favours, surely. If it is that, he can take a long run off a short pier.”

  Holly snorted before taking a long draught of her coffee. She extracted a tissue from the box and wiped her mouth. “If not that, then what? Perhaps he needs some of his properties done up and expects mates rates from you.”

  Ellie pushed her hands through her hair and huffed. “Well, if that’s the case… he can think again. He can go to hell and whistle Dixie while he’s getting there. He’s not the only one on the face of the planet that has a business to run. In fact, regardless of any work in the offing, he can still go to hell. I’m sick of being good old Ellie. I used to do and say things just to keep the peace, but not anymore. If it doesn’t suit me, then tough.” Ellie’s eyes blazed with indignation.

  Holly lifted her mug in the air, like a salute. “Good for you! You’ll soon get used to the feeling of putting you first. It’s addictive. I used to be like you when Phil first left. I was so grateful to him for not causing a fuss and being amicable, I would often do things for him when it didn’t suit me. Carrying on going to social functions with him, even though the timing may be inconvenient. Of course, it was only to cover his embarrassment in front of his workmates. He was using me until he had a steady girlfriend as a replacement. That would have, of course, given him bragging rights.”

  “The cheeky so-and-so,” Ellie commented, feeling a little upset on Holly’s behalf. “How could he do that to you?”

  “Because I let him… that’s how. The secrecy we have about the end of our relationship is to protect my daughter, not me. However, he knows if he oversteps the mark in any way, I will blow the whistle. See what his mates have to say about me be
ing a lesbian.” She tittered loudly. “It will be nudge, nudge, wink, wink—he wasn’t good enough in bed, to change her. On the other hand, he was so bad, she decided on women, instead. The usual claptrap they come up with.” Holly rolled her eyes then began to stare at Ellie. She wanted to reach out and touch her—to gather her in her arms and nibble hungrily on the petite earlobes. She could feel her mouth beginning to water.

  She didn’t do anything of the kind, of course. Holly just finished the end of her Penguin bar with a loud crunch and swilled it down with the rest of her coffee. She furrowed her brow before she spoke again. “That fateful day might come sooner than he thinks, but this time, I don’t care.”

  Ellie stared at her in surprise. “What do you mean?” she asked, concerned that Holly might believe she’d say something out of turn. “I won’t say anything if that’s what’s worrying you. In this particular instance, I’m not my mother’s daughter. This apple landed a long way from the maternal tree.” The thought of living in the shadows didn’t sit well with Ellie, despite what she’d just said.

  Holly shook her head. “You or I might not need to say anything. Michael Devlin knows you’re gay and that we are friends. He knows Phil, so goodness knows what the conversation may be should they meet. I’m not worried now, though. Leah is growing up fast, and perhaps it’s time to have that conversation with her.”

  “But we’re only friends!” Ellie said in their defence. Then her anger flared. Why was she getting upset? She’s never been in the closet and wasn’t about to start now. A penny was on its way to dropping.

  Is that why Ellie was reluctant to move on to any sexual contact with Holly, should she prove willing? Something in the back of her mind that stopped her being secretive and deceitful? However, she did worry for Leah and the impact the gossips would have on her, particularly at school, if and when she and Holly were a couple—even if it was a figment of someone’s imagination.

  “Do you think for one minute anyone will believe it—that we’re only friends—you, an out and proud lesbian and me, a lonely divorced woman, and you here on weekends and me visiting you when Leah is with her dad?”

  Ellie stared at her open mouth. “Do you think people would be that cruel?” she asked, thinking of Leah.

  Holly stared at her, sadness deep within her eyes. “Ellie, you know what this town is like. It has a village attitude. Everyone is a potential gossip. I’m not saying people would do it on purpose. It only takes one person to project their thoughts as a fact, then the rumour mill is up and running. Children overhear their parents’ conversation, and then they start it at school. I want my daughter to be in a position to say ‘So what?’”

  Ellie felt sick. She felt so guilty that her own needs had overshadowed those of a child. Children could be cruel, that much she knew, and she didn’t want Leah suffering in any way because of her actions. Ellie had her own thoughts about Alex. She would have explained the situation to him as soon as he was old enough to understand. Ellie knew she needed Holly, she was positive in that regard. However, all the complications with Leah brought about notice of other responsibilities. Ones that had never crossed her mind until pointed out to her. How selfish did that make her?

  Holly broke into her thoughts as she leaned across and grabbed Ellie’s arm. She could smell Holly’s familiar daytime scent and feel the unrelenting tingling her skin produced whenever Holly touched her. A calming resolve broke over her as she placed Holly’s hand on the table. Ellie stared deeply into Holly’s eyes but couldn’t bring herself to speak. Her hand squeezed Holly’s shoulder as she passed on the way to the hall to collect her coat.

  She then made her way home.

  That afternoon, Ellie booked into the Travelodge in Scarborough, the nearest one she could find to the upcoming job. She phoned her dad and told him there was a problem at the property, and she would have to start early. She could tell by his voice that he didn’t believe her, but he also knew she couldn’t explain what had brought on her sudden urge to be elsewhere. He might speculate, but that was his prerogative. Eventually, she would be overcome by guilt and tell him the whole story, but for now, the fairy-tale version would have to suffice. She asked him to keep his phone on. She gave him Holly’s number and asked him to make arrangements directly with her about Leah. He agreed readily, and she thanked him again for what he was doing. She said she would keep in touch, and then rang off.

  She tried and tried to rid herself of the lump in her throat as she stared through her kitchen window for the last time in what might be weeks. Would the robin still visit when she came back? The question in her mind had been there ever since she agreed to take on the job, but she’d been avoiding facing up to it. Now the time was upon her. She wished the little bird were with her now in her time of need. All the wishing came to nought as she scoured nearby trees, shrubs, and hedges. He wasn’t there.

  She wouldn’t get the chance to explain why she was running away. Perhaps he understood her need for Holly and Leah because now she understood she needed them both herself. The discovery of this truth overwhelmed her. Would Alex understand she was not replacing him with Leah? However much she had come to love Leah, it wasn’t the way that she had loved him. Her mind was confused, and the longer she waited, the more confused she became. Finally, after she’d sent her forwarding address to Amelia Cowdrey so she could send the property key, she set her burglar alarm and loaded her laptop on top of the cases in the boot.

  It was with a heavy heart that she set off for Scarborough.

  Holly tried to make sense of what had happened between her and Ellie. She sat stunned for an age, finally dragging herself to the counter to make some tea. She took a replacement box of tissues from the cupboard to replace it with the used one on the table. As she waited for the kettle to boil, she took all the used tissues from the kitchen table and threw them into the bin before wiping down the table with an antiseptic wipe. Carefully unsealing the joins on the tissue box and flattening it for recycling with gusto, she went over and over the conversation she’d had with Ellie… again.

  She made her tea with heavy, swollen eyes, blinking every once in a while to clear the reforming tears. She couldn’t understand what she’d done to make Ellie react the way she had. Holly vowed to find out as she snatched her mobile from the kitchen counter. She took a swig from her tea, and then called Ellie’s number. She nearly threw the mobile across the kitchen when the call went straight to voicemail. She jabbed her finger down on the red disc and then slid it across the worktop.

  Holly began to mutter as she paced the kitchen floor, clutching her mug to her breast. “I will not leave a voicemail begging you to get in touch with me.” She halted her pacing and glowered at the phone. “If you can’t be bothered to get in touch with me, then let me tell you, madam. I feel the same!” Holly found herself screaming towards the phone, jabbing at the air in pure rage. “Don’t think for a moment you can use me for a whipping-boy, because I won’t let you.”

  Her last words caught in a halting sob. She needed to pull herself together quickly before Leah came home. She heaved a sigh of relief when she realised Leah knew nothing of their future plans. Perhaps it was better this upset had come so early in their developing relationship. At least Leah was unaware of Disneyland so she couldn’t be disappointed. Cancelling that would have broken Holly’s heart just as much as Leah’s.

  “Mum, mum,” cried Leah as she rushed through the door ten minutes later, face and hands caked in mud.

  The cries made Holly jump from her reverie. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” she said, opening her arms and enclosing her daughter in a hug.

  “Ellie has had to go away early. Mr Hanray took a call explaining.”

  Sadness had appeared in her daughter’s voice, which made Holly want to start bawling yet again. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. These things happen in life sometimes.” She hugged her daughter closer and planted a kiss on the top of Leah’s head.

  Leah lifted her head and engaged her mothe
r’s eyes. There was a brief perplexing look before she dropped her head to the floor. “But I won’t get to see her before she starts her job now. It could be weeks and weeks!” On the last word, she lifted her head. It was obvious she wanted Holly to do something to change the situation.

  “We’ll have to hope that she gets home sooner rather than later. Now, you go upstairs and have a quick bath, and then you can come down and show me how to make ratatouille.”

  Leah’s eyes narrowed, and she tilted her head to one side. “What’s that?” she asked her mother.

  Holly looked at her, showing a little smile. “I don’t know, sweetheart… but that’s why they invented Google.”

  25

  Despite driving through heavy, squalling drifts of rain, Ellie reached the east coast in reasonable time. She couldn’t have said how she’d done it. She’d spent the whole of the journey going over the last few days in her head, at last concluding she’d done the right thing. Behind her was a trail of heartbreak and misery. She knew people would have lots of unanswered questions, but tough! From now on, she was going to look after number one, even though the concept was alien to her. Ellie had never had a selfish attitude to life thanks mainly to her dad, but now it was different. She wasn’t adopting the attitude to be bloody-minded. She was doing it as an exercise in self-preservation. She had seven days, starting tomorrow, to get her head straight. It was going to be hard work, but so be it.

  Ellie’s tummy rumbled loudly as she hit the Welcome to Scarborough sign, and she realised she hadn’t had anything other than biscuits since breakfast. Emotional upset always affected her appetite, and even though her stomach was reminding her sustenance was necessary, she had no appetite. It didn’t matter. She would sit down and eat dinner because her body needed it. The first stage of making herself a priority was to make sure she kept physically well. If the restaurant were still serving, she would eat in the hotel. If not, she’d brave the weather and look for somewhere else.